What It Can Feel Like to Sit with Someone Who Is Dying

Sitting with someone who is dying is one of the most profound and intimate experiences a person can have. It can evoke a wide range of emotions, thoughts, and sensations — often simultaneously. As a death doula, I’ve had the privilege of witnessing these moments, and I want to share what it can feel like to be present during this sacred time.

A Mix of Silence and Communication

Sometimes, sitting with a dying loved one involves quiet, still moments where words are unnecessary. There’s a deep sense of connection that transcends speech. At other times, simple gestures, words, or gentle touch can convey love, comfort, and reassurance. Each moment is unique, and the silence can be filled with unspoken understanding and compassion.

Waves of Emotions

Being present during someone's final hours can bring a wave of emotions — grief, love, gratitude, fear, relief or even hope. It’s common to feel a sense of helplessness, wishing you could do more. Yet, your presence — simply being there — can be an incredible gift, providing comfort and validation for the one who is dying. In the active dying phase I see families and loved ones incredibly focussed and present. Time often slips peoples minds and they are in the moment. Sometimes a loved one will share a funny memory and there will be laughter or family will be circled around making physical contact with the individual who is dying connecting and sharing their energy in silence.

Awareness of Transition

When sitting with someone near the end of life, many notice a change in their loved one’s breathing, voice, or movements. These signs can be tender and surreal, a gentle reminder that life is shifting toward its natural conclusion. Sometimes, there’s an awareness of the soul’s transition, and this awareness can bring a sense of peace or spiritual reflection.

Feelings of Closeness and Vulnerability

Being with someone at this time often deepens feelings of closeness. It’s an act of unconditional love—putting aside fears, expectations, or discomfort. At the same time, vulnerability may surface — your own fears or grief may feel more intense in these moments. Time may feel ever present or completely disconnected.

The Power of Presence

Most importantly, sitting with someone who is dying is about presence — offering your warmth, kindness, and a non-judgmental space. Your willingness to be there, fully present, can honor their life, soothe their fears, and create a lasting memory of love and compassion. Showing up in every sense.

In the End

Every experience is sacred, and there’s no “right” way to sit with someone who’s dying. It’s a personal journey filled with raw emotions, quiet moments, and profound connection. You know your loved one best and if you have questions a doula can be there to support and answer them or guide you through a feeling. Sitting with a family and individual during this phase is a gift and one I treasure and am honoured to participate in. If you find yourself in this space, remember that your presence itself is a powerful gift — it’s a testament to love, compassion, and the human spirit.