What Happens After Someone Dies?A Step-by-Step Guide for Families in British Columbia
When someone you love dies, the hours that follow can feel surreal. You may feel clear-headed one moment and unable to remember your own phone number the next. You may wonder what needs to happen immediately and what can wait.
This guide combines practical information from the Government of British Columbia website with gentle reminders that I hope will help you navigate not only the logistics, but also the experience of saying goodbye. They have a helpful checklist that can be printed out as well.
First, Pause
Before making phone calls or trying to organize the next steps, know this: You do not have to rush.
If your loved one has died an expected death, there is often space to simply be with them. (If the death was unexpected, call 911 immediately.)
Sit quietly.
Hold their hand.
Stroke their hair.
Open a window if that feels meaningful to you.
Play music they loved.
Light a candle if it's safe to do so.
Tell stories.
Cry.
Laugh.
Sit in silence.
Do what feels right for you.
I have sat with many families during this time, and one of the things I remind them most often is this: You are allowed to stay.
You don't have to immediately shift into "doing." You don't have to become the organizer or the decision-maker the moment someone dies. Sometimes family members simply lie beside the person they love. Sometimes they fall asleep. That may sound surprising, but after days, weeks, months or even years of caregiving, many people are emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausted. Rest is not something to feel guilty about, it is a natural response to an incredibly demanding experience.
You might notice your own body beginning to soften after being on high alert for so long. If sleep comes, let it.
There will be time for phone calls. There will be time for paperwork. There will be time for decisions. For now, if circumstances allow, let yourself simply be with the person you love and with whatever emotions arise. When you feel ready, you can invite others in. There is no timeline you need to follow.
Step 1: Contact the Appropriate Healthcare Professional
The first practical step after someone dies depends on where they died, whether the death was expected, and where you live.
If the death was expected and occurred at home, there is often a care plan already in place. This may involve contacting the person's physician, nurse practitioner, hospice team, palliative care nurse, or another member of their healthcare team.
If the death was unexpected, call 911 immediately.
Every province, and sometimes even different regions within a province, may have slightly different processes. In British Columbia, some deaths must be reported to the BC Coroners Service. In other provinces, this responsibility may fall to a medical examiner's office. Rural and remote communities may also have different procedures than larger urban centres.
For this reason, it's important to follow the guidance of your healthcare team and local authorities. They will help you understand exactly who needs to be contacted and what the next steps are for your specific situation. When working with a death doula they can also help look into your specific regions steps so you have a plan in advance.
You don't need to know all of the answers yourself. Let the professionals guide you.
Source: Government of British Columbia – After a Death: First Steps.
A Reminder
You may find yourself wondering,
"Am I doing this right?"
There is no one way to respond after someone dies.
Some people cry immediately.
Some feel completely numb.
Some start cleaning the kitchen.
Some begin making lists.
Some laugh.
Some feel relief.
Many people move between all of these emotions in the span of an hour. Shock affects every nervous system differently. Whatever you're experiencing is worthy of compassion.
Step 2: Contact Family and Close Friends
Once you've spoken with the appropriate healthcare professional, you can begin letting family and close friends know. You don't have to make every phone call yourself.
If someone offers to help, consider asking them to notify extended family or friends so you don't have to repeat the same conversation over and over. Some families also find it helpful to send a single group message with updates as plans unfold.
A Reminder
When someone asks,
"What can I do?"
Try giving them one specific task.
Perhaps they could:
bring coffee or a meal
pick up children from school
walk the dog
make phone calls
greet visitors
stay with you while you rest
People often want to help, they simply don't know how.
Step 3: Contact a Funeral Home
A funeral home can assist with many of the practical arrangements, including:
transferring your loved one into their care
registering the death
ordering certified copies of the death certificate
helping plan cremation, burial, or a memorial service
You do not need to make every decision immediately.
Take your time. Ask questions. Choose what feels right for your family.
Source: Government of British Columbia – Death Registration.
Step 4: Register the Death and Obtain Death Certificates
In most cases, the funeral home registers the death on your behalf with the BC Vital Statistics Agency.
If a funeral home is not involved, the death can be registered once the Medical Certificate of Death has been completed.
You'll likely need several certified copies of the death certificate to manage financial, legal, and administrative matters.
A Reminder
Keep a notebook nearby.
Write down:
names
phone numbers
confirmation numbers
appointments
questions
tasks that still need to be done
Grief changes the way our brains process information. Writing things down in one place is an act of self-compassion.
Step 5: Locate the Will
If your loved one had a will, locate the original document when you're ready. The executor named in the will is generally responsible for administering the estate. If there is no will, different legal processes apply.
Source: Government of British Columbia – Wills and Estates.
Step 6: Notify Government Agencies and Other Organizations
Over the coming days and weeks you'll likely need to notify:
banks and credit unions
insurance companies
Canada Revenue Agency
Canada Pension Plan
Old Age Security
employers
utility companies
subscription services
BC Services Card and driver's licence (where applicable)
The Government of British Columbia provides a helpful checklist to guide families through these notifications.
A Gentle Reminder
This is not something that needs to be finished this week. Or even this month. Settling an estate often takes many months or years.
Grief and paperwork exist side by side. Some days you'll have energy to make phone calls. Other days you'll simply miss them. Both are okay.
Step 7: Plan a Funeral or Memorial
There is no one right way to honour someone's life. Some families choose a traditional funeral. Others gather at home. Some scatter ashes months or years later. Some celebrate with music, stories, and food. Some choose quiet. Some have religious customs and ceremony. The most meaningful memorials reflect the life that was lived, and not anyone else's expectations.
Remember Yourself
As caregivers, family and friends we often become so focused on caring for someone else that we've forgotten how to care for ourselves. In the days after a death, try to remember to:
drink water
eat regular meals, even if they're small
step outside for fresh air
rest whenever your body asks you to
accept help
postpone major life decisions if possible
You have just lived through something profound. Your body knows it. Your heart knows it. Offer yourself the same kindness you would offer someone you love.
You Don't Have to Carry This Alone
The practical responsibilities after a death often arrive before we've had a chance to absorb what has happened.
Having someone alongside you whether it's a trusted friend, family member, healthcare provider, or death doula, can make this time feel a little less overwhelming.
A death doula can offer emotional support, help families understand what to expect, create space for meaningful rituals, support children, coordinate practical details, and simply sit beside you when words aren't needed.
Sometimes the greatest gift isn't having someone who knows all the answers right away. It's having someone who is willing to walk with you while you find your way.
Sources
Government of British Columbia. After a Death.https://www2.gov.bc.ca/gov/content/life-events/death/after-death
Government of British Columbia. First Steps After a Death.https://www2.gov.bc.ca/gov/content/life-events/death/after-death/first-steps
Government of British Columbia. Death Registration.https://www2.gov.bc.ca/gov/content/life-events/death/death-registration
Government of British Columbia. Who to Notify After a Death.https://www2.gov.bc.ca/gov/content/life-events/death/after-death/who-to-notify
Government of Canada. What to Do When Someone Dies.https://www.canada.ca/en/services/life-events/death.html
