How to Talk to Children About Death and Grief

Talking to children about death and grief can feel daunting, but it is one of the most compassionate and necessary conversations we can have. Children are naturally curious and sensitive, and how we approach these topics can help them process their feelings, develop understanding, and build resilience.

I truly believe that honest, age-appropriate conversations about death provide comfort and clarity, rather than fear or confusion. Oftentimes out of protection for themselves or for someone else people shut down childrens curiosity about death saying that it is inappropriate or that they need to be strong for the family or that it is rude to discuss. This creates shame, confusion and does not open the door for the grieving process and therefore healing. I have outlined some helpful ideas/options on how to approach these meaningful talks with children.

Use Simple, Clear Language

Children are especially perceptive, but they may not have the vocabulary to understand complex concepts. Use clear, honest words—something like “death is when someone's body stops working. For people and animals the heart stops beating, the lungs stop breathing and the brain stops firing. Do you have any questions about that?” Avoid euphemisms like "passed away" without explanation, as they can sometimes lead to confusion or fear.

Acknowledge Their Feelings

Let children know that it's okay to feel sad, angry, or confused. Normalize their emotions by saying, "It's okay to feel upset. I'm here with you" or “what feelings are you experiencing right now? Any feeling is okay and a part of the grieving process.” This will help reinforce that feelings are natural and is helps children understand that grief is a human experience they can learn to navigate and be supported in navigating.

Be Honest and Age-Appropriate

Answer their questions honestly, tailoring responses to their age and maturity level. For young children, it might be enough to say that death means a person has died and won't come back. For older children, you can delve deeper, discussing death as part of life's cycle and encouraging questions and conversations.

Share Your Feelings

Model openness by sharing your own feelings honestly and simply. Saying, "I'm feeling sad because I miss them," shows children that it's okay to grieve and helps them feel less alone in their emotions. It is also important to be mindful of how you show your emotions in front of them. It can be scary to hear someone yell, cry and scream. We as adults need a space to share our feelings as well and feeling angry and devastated is normal we just want to try and protect the children who are also trying to make sense of what has happened.

Emphasize Continuity and Connection

Help children understand that love and memories remain even after death. Share stories about the person who has died and talk about how their love stays with us, shaping who we are.

Respect Their Unique Grief Journey

Every child grieves differently. Some may want to talk, while others prefer to be silent or expressive through play. Respect their individual process and give them space to grieve in their own way. I have seen siblings express grief in completely different ways. One colouring and in silence and the other climbing trees and kicking a ball in the backyard. Asking to join in the activity to meet them where they are at is incredibly helpful and also respecting if they just need time, we can check back another time.

Use Books and Creative Expressions

Children’s books on death and grief provide gentle language and relatable stories that can help children understand death. Encourage children to express their feelings through drawing, writing, or play, which can serve as powerful outlets for processing grief.

Create a Safe Space for Ongoing Conversations

Death and grief aren’t one-time conversations. Keep the dialogue open, check in regularly, and let children know it’s okay to revisit questions or feelings as they arise. I have seen children have no interest in discussing a death in the family and suddenly a year or so later they share a feeling like “I am just so sad” or “I am just so mad” in relation to the death.

Talking about death with children can be challenging, and its ok to share that with them, but it’s also one of the most compassionate actions you can take. With honesty, empathy, and patience, we can help children develop a healthy understanding of death and grief—giving them a foundation of love and resilience that lasts a lifetime.

If you are looking for gentle guidance or support in talking to children about death, I am here to support. I believe in open conversations and compassionate care for the whole family while navigating grief and life's inevitable losses.