Accompanying Grief With Care

As a death doula, I sit with people in some of the most tender seasons of their lives.

And there are a few questions I hear again and again:

• How long will this last?

• Will I ever feel okay again?

• I feel stuck, is this normal?

• Why does this feel worse instead of better?

If you have asked yourself any of these, I want you to know something first:

You are not failing at grief.

Grief is not a linear process. It is not tidy. It does not move in predictable stages. It changes shape. It surprises you. It softens and then surges again.

And often, what feels most distressing is not just the loss itself, it’s the fear that what you’re experiencing is somehow wrong.

Is What I’m Feeling Normal?

Grief can look like:

• Deep sadness

• Anger or irritability

• Numbness

• Brain fog

• Restlessness

• Exhaustion

• Relief

• Guilt

• Sudden waves that come out of nowhere

It can also look like laughter, distraction, productivity, or silence.

There is a wide range of human responses to loss. What you are feeling may be painful, but that does not mean it is abnormal.

Grief is a natural response to loving someone.

How Long Will This Last?

This is the question beneath almost every other question.

The honest answer is: grief does not have a fixed timeline.

But this does not mean it will always feel the way it does right now.

In early grief, everything can feel sharp and destabilizing. Over time, for many people, grief becomes less overwhelming and more integrated. It may still visit on anniversaries, birthdays, ordinary Tuesdays, but it often feels less all-consuming. Eventually.

Grief doesn’t disappear. It changes.

And healing is not about “getting over” someone. It is about learning how to carry them differently.

“I Feel Stuck.”

When someone tells me they feel stuck, I get curious, gently.

Sometimes “stuck” means:

• The world has moved on and you haven’t.

• You don’t recognize yourself.

• You are exhausted from holding it together.

• You are afraid of what it would mean to move forward.

Grief can suspend us for a time. It can shake identity, routine, relationships, even belief systems.

Being stuck is not a failure. Often it is a sign that something inside you is still being metabolized.

But sometimes, and this matters, feeling stuck can also signal that you may need more support than a death doula can provide.

My Role — And My Scope

As a death doula, my work is to:

• Sit with you.

• Witness your grief without trying to fix it.

• Help you create ritual and meaning.

• Offer steadiness in the uncertainty.

• Normalize the wide landscape of grief responses.

I am not a doctor or a licensed mental health professional. I do not diagnose. I do not treat mental health conditions.

There are times when I gently suggest a client connect with their doctor, a therapist, or another licensed provider especially if:

• Grief feels unrelenting and intensifies over time.

• There are thoughts of self-harm or hopelessness.

• Sleep, appetite, or functioning feel severely disrupted.

• Trauma responses feel overwhelming.

• You want clinical assessment or therapeutic intervention.

Referring out is not a sign that you are “too much.”
It is a sign that you deserve comprehensive holistic support.

Sometimes the most caring thing I can do is say:
This feels like it may need a different layer of care, and you don’t have to navigate that alone.

Will I Ever Feel Okay Again?

“Okay” might not look the same as it once did.

But most people do not stay in the acute intensity of early grief forever.

With time, support, and space to feel what is real, many people find:

• Moments of ease.

• Capacity to experience joy alongside missing.

• A quieter relationship with their loss.

• A new sense of meaning or perspective.

Grief reshapes you. It does not erase you.

And even when it feels endless, it is still movement.

A Gentle Reminder

There is no right way to grieve.
There is no deadline.
There is no performance standard.

If you are in it right now, confused, exhausted, raw, you are not alone.

And if at any point your grief feels bigger than what this space can hold, I will help you find additional support. That, too, is part of care.

Grief is not something to solve.

It is something to be accompanied through.

If you are navigating loss and looking for grounded, compassionate support, I would be honoured to walk alongside you.